I’m now almost 19 months into fatherhood and it is a life-changing experience. Last night was one of those experiences which tests a father’s willingness to discipline his child and a husband and wife’s ability to work together in the process.
Our agreement as parents includes two behaviors in Jonathan’s life which are treated with zero tolerance. One is outright disobedience and the other is lying. We have not yet encountered the second, but we certainly encountered the first last night.
Pearl has taught Jonathan to pick up his toys before he goes to bed. Normally, he does this willingly. However, last night I read a book with him which he typically wanted read repeatedly. I read it several time, but then said to him, “Jonathan, this is the last time I will read tonight. After this, you must pick up your toys”.
Jonathan defiantly refused to pick them up. I had to discipline him the most severely that I ever have before he would pick them up. Afterward, he was very cold to me. After I put him in bed, he began to cry. At first, I thought I’d let him cry himself to sleep. I even thought of asking Pearl if she wanted to go up and console him. Then, I thought, “No, I administered the discipline, so I need to go up and let him know that I love him“.
I went to his room and took him in my arms. I began to sing songs that I sing with him often. At first, he cried, Then suddenly, with his head buried in my shoulder, he laughed. He laughed softly through an entire song. At the end of that song, I said “I love Jonathan”. He laughed again. I put him back in the crib and talked gently to him, told him again that I love him, and said “good night”. He went to sleep and slept through the night.
Hebrews 12:5-11 tells us that God disciplines his children. However, his discipline is not retributive; that is, God does not punish us to pay us back for the wrong we do. Rather, he disciplines us to correct us and to improve our character. When Jonathan disobeyed, we disciplined him. Afterward, when he obeyed we showed him that we love him deeply. For a father, it is easier in the moment to avoid discipline, but we should be followers of God and discipline our own children. Then, just as God renews fellowship with us after we confess our sin and repent, we have the opportunity show our unconditional love to our children.
Our agreement as parents includes two behaviors in Jonathan’s life which are treated with zero tolerance. One is outright disobedience and the other is lying. We have not yet encountered the second, but we certainly encountered the first last night.
Pearl has taught Jonathan to pick up his toys before he goes to bed. Normally, he does this willingly. However, last night I read a book with him which he typically wanted read repeatedly. I read it several time, but then said to him, “Jonathan, this is the last time I will read tonight. After this, you must pick up your toys”.
Jonathan defiantly refused to pick them up. I had to discipline him the most severely that I ever have before he would pick them up. Afterward, he was very cold to me. After I put him in bed, he began to cry. At first, I thought I’d let him cry himself to sleep. I even thought of asking Pearl if she wanted to go up and console him. Then, I thought, “No, I administered the discipline, so I need to go up and let him know that I love him“.
I went to his room and took him in my arms. I began to sing songs that I sing with him often. At first, he cried, Then suddenly, with his head buried in my shoulder, he laughed. He laughed softly through an entire song. At the end of that song, I said “I love Jonathan”. He laughed again. I put him back in the crib and talked gently to him, told him again that I love him, and said “good night”. He went to sleep and slept through the night.
Hebrews 12:5-11 tells us that God disciplines his children. However, his discipline is not retributive; that is, God does not punish us to pay us back for the wrong we do. Rather, he disciplines us to correct us and to improve our character. When Jonathan disobeyed, we disciplined him. Afterward, when he obeyed we showed him that we love him deeply. For a father, it is easier in the moment to avoid discipline, but we should be followers of God and discipline our own children. Then, just as God renews fellowship with us after we confess our sin and repent, we have the opportunity show our unconditional love to our children.
2 comments:
Dr. Delnay used to tell us that more work at the barn means less work in the field. Sharpening the iron while Jonathan is young will mean more success when he is own his own, with less heartbreak then.
For husband and wife to agree on how to discipline, and how much, these days is rare. To do it at all is rare. To do it Biblically is almost unheard of.
Our Lord bless you and Pearl and family. We love you...2Crnot2C http://docsblog.blogspot.com
Thanks for the Delnay saying, for the encouragement, and for your prayers. And thanks for visiting my blog!
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